TheHolisticParent.ORG Co-Sleeping

                                               Co-Sleeping

For some this is a dreaded word, and others couldn’t enjoy anything more. Like most
things good and healthy, this topic is also controversial in our society. It makes me
wonder why some cultures can instinctively know the way things are supposed to be,
and others just can’t get it together.

This is such a big issue in our society because so many parents deal with their kids
wanting to sleep in their bed. If this instinctive nature is so common in children, then
why should it be controversial? I believe co-sleeping has gotten negative press in our
society due to the increase of SIDS and a few highly publicized incidences where
children have died in their parent’s bed. Before we get to that, however, let’s define a
few terms.

What is Co-Sleeping?

Bedsharing is the practice of having an infant or child sleep in the same bed as the
parents. This can also be referred to co-sleeping or the family bed. Co-sleeping can
also encompass an infant sleeping in a bassinet or actual co-sleeper device next to
the parent’s bed. For the purposes of this section, we refer to co-sleeping as being in
the actual bed of the parents.

Since The Beginning of Time

First I think it is important to realize that parents have been sleeping by their children
since the beginning of time. Cribs are a very recent creation. Co-sleeping is very
accepted in other cultures. It is also important to note that many other cultures have
lower incidences of SIDS than here in the United States. I believe that in most
circumstances things that have come naturally to parents for centuries are usually the
best route to go. Modern societal influence and research studies cannot improve upon
parental instinct. I apply this theory to almost all my parenting beliefs, and co-sleeping
is one of the prime examples of this.

It should also be noted that the circumstances surrounding infants or children dying in
the family bed are not always known. There are certain common sense precautions
that should be taken when sharing a bed with babies and young children. If these are
observed, co-sleeping can be very safe. You may just find it to be one of the best parts
of being a parent.

Benefits

So, first we’ll get into the benefits. There are many benefits to babies and children who
sleep in their parent’s bed. When we think back to the basic survival mechanism for
infants; it is to not be separated from its parents. If baby gets separated in the wild, he
can be in real danger (cold, wild animals, etc.). Therefore, babies have the instinct to
be near their parents continually. Hence, a baby cries if you set him down. This does
not change at night. It is completely unnatural for a baby to be alone all night. A baby
needs the security, warmth, comfort, and reassurance as well as protection from its
parents during the night. This is the basic instinctual nature of a baby.

Studies have been done to determine how well babies sleep when they are with or not
with their parents. Babies who are left to sleep alone at night wake more frequently and
have less restful sleep than babies who sleep with their parents. This is because they
do not have the continual presence of their parents at night. Babies who sleep by their
parents sleep better, have more regulated breathing, have a decreased risk of SIDS,
are more likely to thrive, and are more closely bonded to their parents with the ability to
form securer attachments.

There are also many benefits for the parents, but usually the mother in particular.
Mothers who sleep with their babies often get more sleep. It is much easier to
breastfeed. It is very practical in our modern society when parents may have to get up
for work in the morning and have to sleep well at night. Mothers are usually more
closely bonded to their baby and better able to respond to their needs. It is much easier
to soothe a baby back to sleep, resulting in less sleep loss.

Safety

There are many reasons why co-sleeping is actually safer. Co-sleeping decreases the
risk of SIDS, protects a child from intruders, sexual predators, and natural disasters
because the parent is able to respond much faster. Babies who sleep by their parents
mimic the breathing pattern of the parent they are next to, which gives the baby a more
regular breathing pattern.

If you choose to co-sleep with your baby or child, there are certain protocols to follow to
make it a safe and rewarding experience. Choose a firm mattress that is placed
properly on the bed frame with no spaces for an infant or child to slip into and get stuck.
Do not put heavy blankets on the bed. Sleep with a light blanket or sheet. Make sure
your pillow stays away from the baby’s head. Do not sleep with your baby if you smoke
or are under the influence. It is not safe to have a baby sleeping right next to a toddler
as the toddler may not be as aware of the baby. A couch or chair is not a safe place to
co-sleep. Co-sleeping is really not all that difficult. In fact, it will probably feel very
natural to you.

Overlying

In our society, we are made to believe in a terrible thing called overlying. Experts state
that co sleeping cannot possibly be safe because a parent may roll over on their child
and suffocate the child. This is true in the instance of the parent being intoxicated,
under the influence, or extremely sleep deprived that they may not be aware of the
infant. Numerous studies have documented the parent’s, especially the mother’s,
awareness of the infant. A mother will cuddle, reposition, breastfeed, and care for her
infant throughout the night, often times without waking fully. The truth is we are aware of
our sleep circumstances, hence the reason we do not fall out of bed when we sleep. In
the event an infant may be rolled over on, a healthy vigorous infant will not simply die
instantly. The infant will kick, cry, and struggle to free itself. The parent then wakes up.

SIDS

Some thoughts about SIDS. There is much controversy about SIDS. There is also
much misinformation. Advocates against co-sleeping scare parents into thinking that
sleeping with their baby can cause SIDS. Research is showing this to not be the case.
Research has found that parents are so aware of their children when they sleep in the
same bed it actually decreases the likelihood of SIDS. Keep in mind SIDS used to be
called Crib Death. How ironic! It certainly must have been called this for a reason. The
name was eventually changed to SIDS to decrease the social stigma. Corporate
interests, of course, played a part in it too. (You’ll find I mention this a lot on the
website. My goal is to help parents become aware of how much corporate interests to
increase their own revenue factor into advice we are given as parents). If parents
became too frightened to put their children in cribs for fear of Crib Death, crib
manufacturers would lose a lot of profits. So, what did they do? They used part of their
profits (and indeed in some cases a large part of their profits) to lobby for changes that
will help to increase their profits.

Though this is not acknowledged yet by mainstream thinking (like many other things on
this site), crib mattresses, unless organic, have tons of horrific chemicals in them
(covered in detail in the toxin free parenting section). Babies breathe in these
chemicals all night long. They spend a significant period of their lives in their cribs.
These chemicals are not benign. Many natural health advocates feel this could play a
major role in the occurrence of SIDS. I would say I have to agree.

How co-sleeping found us

I never planned to co-sleep. It’s strange too because I slept in my mom’s bed until I
was eight. Somewhere down the line though, I came to enjoy my space while sleeping.
I was also told with the birth of my first child that it was best for the baby to sleep in his
own bed. I was told babies make noises when they sleep, which you’ll most certainly
hear all night and never get a good night sleep. I didn’t question this advice. I didn’t
think people co-slept with their babies anymore. So, my son slept in his crib from the
first day home from the hospital. He slept great in it too. At 6 weeks of age, he slept
eight hours through the night, and by two weeks later, he was consistently sleeping
twelve hours at night. To get him to sleep in his own bed, he had to have some ‘crying it
out” sessions. I would pace outside his room, trying to decide if I should go in there like
I felt extremely compelled to do or let him keep crying to properly train him? He has
never had sleeping problems and never sleeps in our bed. There were times, of
course, that his little legs or arms would sometimes slip through the bars of the crib
and make me nervous. There was also a time when my son was a few weeks old
where we didn’t hear him at night. When we woke up the next morning, he was about
two feet higher in his crib than were we set him. He was smashed up against the crib
bars at the top of the crib. I could only conclude that he cried so hard as to propel
himself up there. This thought haunts me to this day, and I feel terrible.

With the birth of our second child, I thought there would be not much difference. Our
children would have to share a room, so we planned for our baby to sleep in a bassinet
for a time next to our bed. I was still operating under the notion that co-sleeping was
dangerous. We purchased a crib and a bassinet and spent plenty of money on it. Such
a waste. We had our second baby at home. The first few days were sleepless as they
are destined to be. Somehow, co-sleeping just happened. It was as natural as could
be. I woke up one morning, and there was my baby nestled next to me in my arms
sound asleep as peaceful as ever. It was as if she decided all on her own. Since that
moment, she would not sleep anywhere else. Oh, we tried the bassinet. Set her in it
and eyes pop right open. Finally, I gave up and embraced her sleeping next to me. At
this time, I researched co-sleeping like crazy to make sure it was safe. I felt relieved at
what I found. I was glad something that seemed so natural was, in fact, a good thing. At
first, it was not always the most comfortable. I didn’t want to move at first in worry of
disturbing her. Eventually, we fell into a routine. She sleeps beside me. I sleep
comfortably. We wake up cuddling often. If she moves or needs me at night, I
immediately feel her and respond. She never has to cry or even fully wake up. I am
aware of her the whole night, yet I wake up feeling rested. If she gets hungry and wants
to eat, I simply pull her closer and am then able to fall back asleep. We have a guard
rail so she can’t fall off, but she does sleep on one side of the bed. I sleep in the
middle. We sleep with a light weight blanket. It’s warm enough to keep us warm, but
light enough to be easy for her to move if she needs to. She doesn’t often sleep next to
my husband because we feel he is not as aware of her as I am. There is nowhere for
her to get stuck. We do not sleep with our big heavy comforter anymore. My husband
sleeps with a different blanket than my daughter and I. She sleeps very well in our bed.
In the beginning, she would stay up and go to bed at the same time as us. She now
gets tired sooner and will lie down before us. We rock her or I nurse her, and she falls
asleep. It’s easy and painless. I wake up next to her in the morning, and the first thing I
am often met with is a big wide grin on her face when she sees me. Co-sleeping for us
was an embarkment on uncharted territory, and it has been exceptionally rewarding. I
do not consider co-sleeping a hassle or sacrifice. It has been a great blessing.
Children do not stay little for very long, and if you spend all your time in separate beds,
you miss a huge part of their lives. I feel much closely bonded to my daughter because
of co-sleeping and now couldn’t imagine being away from her all night.

Author's Note: If you are still not comfortable sleeping beside your baby, you can still
have many of the benefits by investing in an Arm's Reach Co-Sleeper. This provides an
excellent alternative.

Resources:

http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T071000.asp
Great article on co-sleeping.

http://www.cosleeping.org/   An excellent website dedicated to co-
sleeping.

http://www.mothering.com/articles/new_baby/sleep/sleep.html    A must read article
on co-sleeping.

http://www.googobits.com/articles/647-the-benefits-of-cosleeping.html   Enjoyable
reading about co-sleeping

Book Recommendations

Sleeping with your Baby: A Parent's Guide to Co-sleeping by James McKenna

The Family Bed by William Sears

The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley

*Please note the baby in the picture was not sleeping on the pillow unsupervised.
Pillows are inappropriate for babies under age 2. Use proper safety techniques when
co-sleeping.

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